When God sends us down to earth, naked and completely helpless, he gives us all some RAM and a lot of ROM. (the computer terms.... if u don't know what they mean... Google them!) To put it simply, this means that we can remember things that happened to us in the near past and also things from our far gone past that left an impression on us. Well thats where my problem begins... mine are faulty!! Its no shame for me to declare that I have poor memory of stuff I should remember (or at the least the stuff most people do). It surprises me when people tell me some things from my past, like their first impressions of me, or stuff i said, things that I have poor or no recollection of. There's this saying that one should remember the good things someone does for us and forget the hurts and insults. But darn it I cant remember either! I cant even hold a decent grudge against someone who's wronged me. I know, not that anyone would be scared of me holding one against them, but still I'd like to once in a while, to know what it feels like.
Well to be honest, not remembering how exactly one embarrassed oneself long long ago seems like a good thing, doesn't it? Its a lot easier to move on from painful experiences when one doesn't retain them in memory. Sadly not so. The problem is, these experiences actually live on in our subconscious long after we think we have wiped them from our memory. These experiences shape our behavior through our subconscious, influencing the choices we make and the decisions we take. They even alter our dreams, thus accounting for people having recurring nightmares long after the source of those nightmares occurred (also accounts for all my teenage crushes showing up in my dreams). So basically, my poor memory probably means all that information is getting stored in my subconscious which scares the shit out of me. God only knows how that affects me. Gulp.
A further twist to the tale is added when out of the blue, I begin to feel a sense of Deja vu in certain situations. There is this eerie feeling at the back of my mind that I have been here before and that something doesn't quite add up, even though my brain denies ever having had such an experience. Some people in such a situation would have some recollection of where and when they had a similar experience, thus quickly explaining the 'Deja vu'. Me, I just go on feeling weirder and weirder, unable to figure out why the hairs at the back of my neck are standing.
The icing on the cake is that other trait I have probably inherited, absent-mindedness. This has gotten me into so much trouble that if I ever came across a genie and he granted me a wish, I wouldn't hesitate one second in asking for the ability to freaking remember where I kept that pen I was just writing with. Presence of mind is a quality I value highly, and when people sometimes have to call my name at least two or three times, before i respond, it frankly makes me feel really shorthanded. God, in all his wisdom, for some reason thought that this would be a quality I would appreciate. Thats a laugh.
This absent mindedness also means I am not very observant of my surroundings, and miss out details that otherwise would have benefited me a lot. So the only positive I can possibly see in this irritating facet of my personality that some people seem to find it endearing. To these people I say, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Absent-mindedness as a quality is like elephants in the zoo. Everyone likes them, but no one wants to bring one home.
All in all, anyone reading probably thinks I am cribbing about silly things when I should frankly be worried about other things, like getting a life for example. Good point, and I guess I should thank God for the other awesome facets of my personality that I like (my rugged good looks, my charm... well you know me). To wrap it up, I guess we are all like unfinished works of art. Some of us go on to become masterpieces the artist can be proud of and others, well lets just say that not every grain of sand goes on to become a pearl does it?
No comments:
Post a Comment